In an interview this morning, President Wuhan Don attempted to allay fears about catching the virus by saying, "I personally would not hesitate to grope a woman with coronavirus."
President Wuhan Don's daughter, Treblinka, announced this evening that she feels good that the Wuhan Don Organization has laid off thousands of workers. "It just seems right. Who do these people think they are to expect jobs what with what's going on?" the blond bombshell announced. And son-in-law Jeraldo Kushybutt announced the sale of designer face masks for $250 thru his website JeraldoKushybuttRipOffs.com. "We got 'em through the government, so, hey, they must be like reggalation or something," he said. "Sorry New York!"
In an interview this afternoon, President Wuhan Don was asked if he had ever read Albert Camus's "The Plague", to which he replied, "Wearing camo will certainly help, along with Hydrododoquianine or whatever it is and yes, dental plaque will protect you from the virus-thing. I personally am immune as I stuck my tongue up Kim Jong Un's butt several times. And I mean I really licked around in there. Mmmmmm. Dictator ass!"
In other news, President Wuhan Don -- who in real life is a failed motel and bingo-hall operator who owes everybody money -- announced that he now favors a level playing field since "otherwise the ball tends to roll off the field and who wants that?" He also hopes to attend the European Convention on Human Rights as he loves going to conventions and understands this one has free hotdogs and not too many speeches and he dearly wants one of those Human Rights tote bags.
Harry and Meghan are changing their names to Raunchy Roscoe Rat-Trap and Cruisin' Bitchy Crazy Whore.
Evangelicals pray for casino bailout.
El Salvador mayor embraces a small statue of Boris Johnson before confirming he may be an Anglophile.
Some people are saying they are about to go back to living on beetles.
Some of Wuhan Don's most devoted followers have begun to wonder if ole Don is not really the biggest employer of illegal foreign workers in the country, and they've heard that he just doesn't pay his bills to honest American working folks who do work for him.
In other other news, some folks are beginning to wonder if this whole virus thing isn't something ole Wuhan Don brought back himself on that last trip of his in Air Force 1.
Click here for an excerpt from the new book
Love in the Time of Covid-19
by Ðabriel Çosé ŊarŒez
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